Single Moms Navigating Grief During The Holidays
Single motherhood is definitely not a monolith. No two households run by a single mother are exactly the same. The holiday season is the time of the year where isolation sets in the most. As a therapist (who sees clients virtually) I’ve been privy to experience the warmth of many wonderful homes led by single moms. I know moms leading households have had their share of struggles, uncertainties, and heartaches. Because the load of single parenting has us moving in many directions, oftentimes we do not sit with our thoughts until it’s late at night. Of all the thoughts that could come out at night, I want to focus on grief in this blog post. Identifying grief can be tricky. Many of us think grief is the direct result of losing a loved one, a type of uncomplicated grief. However, there are many different types of grief. Disenfranchised grief is grief that is not socially recognized or validated. One helpful tip would be to identify the type of grief you may be experiencing. Whether you are experiencing financial uncertainty, the struggle to make magic happen for your family, or the heartache of not being able to see your kids during the holidays if there is a co-parenting agreement, your grief deserves validation.
Once you identify what you are grieving and you’ve spent some time sitting in it, the next step would be to look within and identify needs and maybe a few wants. What immediately comes to mind is perhaps some tea to promote relaxation, a hot bath, or my personal favorite, a heated blanket. What could follow is finding a trusted friend or even reaching out to a therapist. There are therapists who are willing to be an additional support system. Need help finding a therapist? Visit Therapy For Black Girls or Clinicians of Color and take a peek at their directories. If you are in the states of Alaska or Georgia, I have a few slots open to new clients. Single moms don’t always need me to put on my solution oriented thinking cap and start problem solving. What they may need is a virtual warm hug or a virtual container where I hold space safe enough for the outpouring of various emotions. Contact me and let’s rewrite the holiday script of Single Motherhood together.
Not sure if you’re ready to reach out to a therapist? Let’s end with a tip to compassionately not expect perfection. I don’t know what perfection looks like for you reading this, but I will take a gander and infer you probably believe a successful holiday season would feel stress and worry free. What if we aimed to set an intention to receive more warm hugs, an extra 30 minutes resting on the couch, or a coffee date with a good friend? If you battle with anxiety or perfectionism it could be difficult to remove worry thoughts and a strong urge to control our environment in totality. Aiming for more pleasant experiences allows opportunities for micro appreciations and solid wins.
Warmly,
Reketta